Merry Christmas 2014

                                         

Our life changed so quickly ten months ago, sometimes it seems like we're still catching up! March 8, 2014 will be a day that our family will always remember. Even as I write about it, it still doesn't seem real. 

And whenever I have tried to sit down to write a thank you card or track down all the ways that Kara's homecoming was made possible, I am overwhelmed by God's goodness. 

That's why for nine months, there have been no thank-you cards or blogs written. There's just no way to really express what it has meant to our family to have been gifted with prayers, financial support, gifts, and encouragement. Over the course of our adoption journey, we have been given financial gifts from dear friends, family and strangers, and we were prayed for every step of the way. We felt them! When we got Kara (with less than 48 hours notice), we were flooded with donations of restaurant and gas gift cards, meals, and clothes when we traveled back and forth between home and the NICU. When we got home, meals were prepared for us, last minute items were given, our house was cleaned- the support we received was overwhelming to say the least! There were about 50 women at Kara's baby shower! I was so overcome with how many gifts there were to open in front of so many people, I kept my niece Seble nearby as a buffer!

So we want to thank you.We won't even know this side of glory all the marvelous ways that God moved mountains to bring our daughter to us! Thank you for being a part of it. 

Best Weekend Ever! Welcome Kara Lynn, we've waited so long for you

Sometimes your life can change fast- really fast. Ours has just changed, and we're really excited about it. And it changed fast.

Thursday, March 6th we got a call from our agency about a situation where there was a baby in the NICU in Portland. We got some details about her health, the mother's health, etc and agreed that we were willing to have our profile shown to the birth family.

Friday, March 7th we were called around 1:00 in the afternoon and were told that the birth family wanted to meet us at 2:30. A good number of people may have noticed that I (Kelly) called them, but didn't leave a message. After about 7 calls, I got a hold of our friend Damara and she was able to take our kids until our other friend Michelle could pick the kids up.
Off we went to Portland to meet this couple. The meeting was emotional as our hearts are broken for the decision that this birth family needed to make, but also encouraged as they talked about choosing what is best for their daughter.
They were drawn to us because Casey is a pastor, and I am adopted. They also thought that we looked like a loving family. We enjoyed meeting with them, and felt like they were quite resolved about their decision to relinquish.
Immediately after meeting, we were told that the couple wanted to proceed with us. We asked if they were certain that they didn't want to meet with anyone else, and it seems that they truly were certain!

The NICU nurses love our little girl.They HAD to put a bow in that hair!

Saturday, March 8th we set up a time to meet with our caseworker and advocate to sign papers up at the hospital. All day we were having a hard time accepting that this was real. There were mixed emotions of disbelief, nervousness, and joy. After our heartache in May, it was hard to get too attached to situations or to get too excited even as we showed up at the hospital. It's just hard to believe sometimes that something can actually go your way- or turn out the way you wish it would.
As we sat down and were read the legal documents, things started to settle in more, but it wasn't until we went up the elevator, walked in to the NICU and entered our daughter's room that it felt real at all!

She was in her crib all bundled up, and everything was so fast, so surreal, I can't even tell you if I got her out of her crib or if a nurse handed her to me. We always say we want to remember everything about moments like this, but it was more about what I was feeling in my heart.

Gayle captured this moment. I'm about to cry a little.

I held her first, and snuggled my little girl close to my face- and that's when I realized that I was living a dream. It has been my dream to adopt, and this was the moment I had been longing for my whole life, and it was simply beautiful. I wish I had words to write the fullness of my heart. Gayle, our caseworker, had tears in her eyes. I noticed that Casey had gotten the camera out, and I knew I was being watched.

But it didn't matter.

It was just me and Kara Lynn in that moment. Just me and my new daughter. All the heartbreak from waiting was healed. All the longing was fulfilled. In an instant, she was a dream come true.

I had had knots in my stomach all day waiting for the bottom to drop out. We were still guarding our hearts.

First time in daddy's arms

When I held her was when it was okay to let go of that fear.

Over the past few days we have had moments when we are overwhelmed by God's goodness, like we can't even experience it all at once!

Other details/facts:

• Kara Lynn is the name given her by her birth family. A few months ago, during the Women's Bible study at church, I saw the Greek words for joy and grace being chara and charis (the ch makes the hard k sound). I came home telling Casey that if we had twin girls that I would be tempted to name them some version of these two names. Kara is a version or adapted version for chara- joy or delight. Lynn is my middle name, and it has been on our list for potential middle names for girls. Of course we kept her name. Lynn means pretty or beautiful, and Kara means joy or delight- her name speaks volumes of how we feel about this beauty!
• We were expecting her family to be very emotional or upset when they were signing papers to release our girl. We found it to be quite the contrary! They were at peace and actually joyful that they were blessing us! Wow! It was an amazing answer to prayer that God is protecting their hearts and that they are rejoicing in the future they are giving Kara. Her dad kept referring to, "your daughter". 
• Kara Lynn has a full biological sister who loves her very much, and we hope that they will be able to have a sweet relationship. You can pray for Maddy that she will be at peace and adjust to letting go of her sister.
• Our little delight will be in the NICU for as much as 1-2 weeks. But we really don't know how long. She is very healthy, but she just isn't catching on to feeding. Once she feeds well for about 48 hours, she will be able to come home! Pray for us as we listen to the instructions and techniques for helping her learn to feed.
• We are going back and forth between our home and the NICU. Balancing the needs of Norah and Haddon and Kara is a challenge. Please pray for our oldests' hearts that they will feel very loved by us and "get enough" of us!
• It has been about 2 years since we began our adoption journey.
• We were about to begin the process of updating our home study and re-ordering photo books. We don't have to do that!
• Please be in prayer for provision of the final costs involved in adopting Kara Lynn. We are so thankful that we had the funds to simply transfer from one account to another and write a check! We had it all there! Praise the Lord! We don't have the funds on-hand to pay for the attorney fees, and we're expecting a hospital bill as well. Please pray as we work to get all those things situated.

 To Kara Lynn, 

"Welcome to our family."

- Haddon, your big brother on the day he met you.

Worst Weekend Ever

Once we were matched, we began a whirlwind of preparations to bring home our baby girl. We got the room painted, and I picked out some fabric for my mom to make a blanket, and also made a crib quilt. People brought us diapers, and wipes, formula, and other things. We started a donation website for people to give so that the remaining funds could come in.

Everything was coming in to place, and the only thing that tempered our excitement was the gnawing feeling that this birth mother could change her mind. So we prayed and prayed, and asked others to pray.

On Friday night this last week we got a call saying that the birth mother had gone to the hospital and was in labor. We got few updates, but continued in our hope that we would be bringing a baby home in a matter of days.

Then the agony set in.

We got a call on Saturday saying that the birth mother had decided to parent, but was then waffling on her decision. She wanted us to come to the hospital and meet and hold the baby. Our case worker wanted us to discuss it, as she knew that it may make it harder if birth mother changed her mind, but we were told that she was leaning toward placing for the most part- so we thought that it would be best to go.

All night on Friday, and all day Saturday our stomachs were in in knots. We struggled to eat, and sleep, and we just wanted to have an answer whether this was our daughter or not.

So, we made our way to the hospital and held the baby.

It's a very strange thing going in to a hospital room to visit a woman that you barely know, and hold a baby that you could either have one of the most significant relationships with, or just simply enjoy the delight of holding a newborn. But we held her. We stroked her black, thick, spiky hair. We doted over her expressions, and got to know a little of her personality.

But we knew that could be the last time we ever held that sweet baby girl.

Sunday was a blur of emotions. We started the morning thinking that we may be taking a baby home, only to find out that the birth mother would be staying in the hospital one more day. In her mind that meant another day to make up her mind. In our minds, that was just another night of fitful sleep, stomach knots, and extreme emotional fatigue.

We knew that Monday would bring an answer though. She would be leaving the hospital, and one way or another, the baby would need to go home with someone.

So, this morning, we waited, and figured the longer we waited the less likely we were going to get an answer that we wanted. Unable to eat, and unable to sleep, I was the first in the house to get up. Our children were exhausted, and Norah had woken up in the night feeling unwell. Everyone slept until past 9:00- totally uncharacteristic.

But we got the call, and like we anticipated, it wasn't the news we wanted. Our birth mother had indeed decided she was going to parent. It wasn't an easy decision for her, obviously, but it is what it is.

We're heartbroken, and sad. This was a baby girl that we truly wanted. We had given her a name, a name we held loosely. Casey and I will keep that name to ourselves. It's our own private thing to grieve over and share together.

All the baby items that we had ready are put away in the nursery, and for now that door is closed.

We're hopeful though. We're discouraged, but hopeful. God has a plan, and he knows what he's doing. He is good all the time, and he will continue to be faithful in our adoption journey.

Right now, we're focusing on resetting, of letting go of this baby girl, and turning our eyes to Christ who has put this adoption journey before us. We're going to trust him to guide us through this maze, and provide the means to reach its end. We just hit a dead end is all. We just need his help to get turned around and get on the right course. It's all part of solving the big puzzle.

Best Cinco de Mayo Ever

For a while it was seeming like our adoption journey was like a walk through one of those Fun Houses you see in movies or at fairs. Everything is smoke and mirrors, and you don't know what the next corner will hold. We have heard of situations, and have them disappear- within an afternoon! We have had to pass on a situation. We have heard of situations, and then never heard anything else about them.

I can't say that it's still not like that, but we have something to actually share.

On May 4th we met with a birth mother. We had a formal, directed conversation, but it was nice. We liked her, and it seemed like she liked us, but as you can imagine, she had a bit of a wall up. There were moments though, that the wall came down, and we connected. When Casey spoke about the first time he was alone with Norah after she was born, or when we talked about him giving her flowers every Valentine's Day, or when we told her that we speak Spanish- those are the times that I could tell resonated with her. When we left the meeting, we felt good about it, but had no idea what the next day's promised phone call would hold.

Sunday morning was pretty normal, except I noticed that Casey checked messages a lot, and looked at his phone a lot. Eventually, we got the promised phone call, and what we heard was very good!

The birth mother that we met with really liked us. After we left the meeting, she and the case worker stayed behind to discuss how she felt about us and how she wanted to proceed. The case worker told her other things like how I hosted a Downton Abbey premier party, and some other things that made her like us even more.

So on Cinco de Mayo, we were asked if we wanted to match with her, and we said yes!

The baby girl is due on May 28th.

That's not very far away.

We've had some last minute scrambling to do like getting our fingerprints taken again, and having another form notarized. We also needed to send off a sizable check, which we were thankful that we had the money for. We're making mental lists about all the things we need to do, and have just over two weeks to do it.

It's overwhelming.

It's exciting.

It's terrifying.

As happy as we are, in the back of our minds there is a gnawing fear. We know that this sweet birth mother could change her mind. It's her right to do so. This baby, at least right now, isn't ours. Only God knows if she is ours. We could go through all the steps to make sure we're ready for her to come home, and still not have her be a part of our family.

And that is an unbearable thought.

We need prayer in that area.

We also have the daunting task of coming up with the remaining money that we will need should this adoption take place. You'll see that I've updated our fundraising thermometer. We need to have $9000 on hand at the time when our daughter (is it okay to call her that?!) is born. We're over halfway there, but we still need about $4000.

We need prayer in that area.

So, I want to answer the questions that I've been getting as best I can:

1. Is this going to be an open adoption?

Yes! We will do our best to make sure that our daughter's birth mother gets to see us about once a year. I'm sure we'll keep in contact with letters and pictures as well. At this point, we don't know exactly what it will look like, but we're grateful that our impression of this birth mother is that we would get along and enjoy each other's company.

2. Is the birth mother young?

No, not really. She is about the same age as Casey and I. It's actually a misconception about birth mother's that most of them are teenage girls, addicted to drugs. The majority of birth mothers are between 19 and 25 years old. If you think about it, it makes sense. Deciding to make an adoption plan is a very difficult and wise thing for a woman to do. It requires maturity, and a real inner strength to do so. Younger moms aren't as well equipped to understand the significance of motherhood.

We would like to keep a lot of details about the birth mother more private, and show respect for her privacy.

So we'll keep it to the facts:

• She is Hispanic
• She is our age
• She is already a parent
• She is a kind-hearted mom who is facing a difficult choice.
• She is taking her adoption plan very seriously

3. Do you have a name for your baby? Or will the birth mom name her?

We don't know. We don't have a name chosen. We're not sure how much contact we will have with the birth mother before the baby is born. We'll share her name as soon as we know she is ours!

4. How do you feel?!

Happy. Scared. Nervous. Excited. Thrilled. Terrified. Sad. Concerned. Stressed.

5. When can you take the baby home?

We will take her home straight from the hospital. We don't know a lot of details right now.

6. When will she be "yours"?

This baby girl, if she is ours, already is ours. She will be ours legally, or at least her birth mother can't change her mind, once the paper is signed to relinquish her parental rights. At that moment, she is ours. Later, we will need to go through the paperwork to legally adopt her. At that time, a brand new birth certificate will be issued, naming us as her parents, just as if she were born to us.

7. How can we help you get ready?

1. Pray. Pray for our kids. Pray for our hearts. Pray for us to get along under stressful circumstances. Pray for the birth mother- for her health, for her to stay committed to the adoption plan, for her healing.
2. Soon we'll provide a "list" of sorts of things that we need to bring home our girl- like diapers, clothing needs, etc. I haven't gotten that far yet. There may be opportunities to help paint or clean or organize our home as well. We may even create a baby registry, but I honestly don't know if we'll have time to do that! Stay tuned on Facebook especially, because that's one of the easiest ways for us to communicate what our needs are.
3. Give. There. I said it. It's awkward to ask, but I know it's one of the only ways that we will be able to pay for our adoption without incurring debt. You can click on the donate button in the right-hand side bar to do it through YouCaring, a fundraising website. You can also drop a check or cash off in our box at church, or at our home. If you want to give anonymously, we have our Adoption Savings Account that you can deposit directly into- to do that, just visit any Wells Fargo Bank (even if you're out-of-state, just mention that it's an Oregon account- that may help them out), and give them this account number to make a deposit into: 2349457040. Even if it's as little as $5 or $10, that will make an impact, especially if many of our friends give. 

I think that covers it. I may have left out some questions that you may have, and feel free to ask. I may or may not have an answer. 

A Nest by Design

I mentioned in a previous post that I would share about a new venture that I have embarked on.

It all started when I wanted to make something special for my sister for her birthday. Her birthday came just a couple months after bringing home my newest niece and nephew from Ethiopia. With the addition of these last two (at least I think they are the last to be added to the family!), that my sister became a mom to 8. I have yet to see jewelry that nicely represents having 8 children. Either there are so many charms that it looks bulky, or if you use one of those locket necklaces with little charms in them, they are all bunched up and you can't really see them or show them ALL off.

So, I thought that if I got some beads or pearls small enough, I could cluster them together and learn how to make a wire nest pendant. After all, those are kind of trendy right now, and they are cute. I purchased some glass pearls in brown and cream to represent my sisters brown and white children, and then I learned how to make a wire pendant.

When my sister got it, she loved it! I mentioned to her casually that I might start making them to sell, maybe earn some money that we could put towards our adoption.

This is where the magic of social media comes in...

All my sister did was post a blog about it, and put a picture on Facebook, and I had contacts from at least 6 or more people within hours interested in a customized pendant!

Yikes! I didn't have a website. I didn't have a separate e-mail account. I didn't have a Pay Pal account (and there were people contacting me from out of state!). I didn't think that anyone would necessarily be that interested in what I did for my sister!

I was wrong.

I'm glad I was wrong.

My friend helped set up a website, complete with an order form. I set up a Pay Pal account, and stumbled through filling orders.

So, how did I come up with the name? Whenever I think of families, I think of how God brings families together and builds them. He designs families. He works in our lives to give and take away. He builds families through so many means, and in every way is written a story of His divine love and care- His design. Every family is made exactly the way God intends, and that's what I wanted to celebrate. That's what I want to give glory to God for.

Since then, I have been to a few craft bazaars or special events, and have tried to spread the word about what I'm doing. I get to hear a lot of stories about what families look like, or how they are designed. Each pendant or brooch (I can make straight pin brooches too) is so personal. It's a delight to make each one.

Soon my necklaces will be in a local boutique, and I have some other things in the works.

From the sales of these pendants and brooches alone, I've raised nearly $2000 for our adoption! I have never been "in the red". What an amazing blessing!

I love this new job that I have, and want to keep moving forward. My dream is to help other adopting families raise funds by "sponsoring" a family at a time. I'm not sure when I will get to that point, but I'm hoping that I will be able to do that! I need to gain much more exposure though.

So, how can you help?

Well, there are a few ways:
1. You might think of someone you could order a gift for (even yourself)!  These nests are cute. They don't have to be worn by moms!
2. You can like the page on Facebook, if you're on there. That has proven to be one of the most effective ways that I have seen. It doesn't cost me anything, and it doesn't cost you anything! You can find the page here.
3. You can simply tell people you may know. Direct them to my website. Literally every cent that I make goes into our adoption account, and it sits there waiting for that moment that only the Lord knows, when we have our son or daughter! (You can see how we're doing towards our goal on the right-hand side of our blog).
4. Right now, you can enter my first giveaway. There are different ways that you can gain entries. You can enter here. You will be walked through all the different ways you can enter. Most of them involve helping to spread the word about the giveaway or A Nest by Design. So it really is helpful! And hey, if you win, that's great!
5. Always, you can pray. Pray that I will have wisdom to navigate through uncharted waters. I have no training in how to run a business. All I know that is I need to make more than I spend, and to be honest. Pray that people will be drawn to what I'm doing and that I will find support in unexpected sources.(I already have! Praise the Lord!)

What's lacking in this post are pictures, but if you visit any of the links I've shared, you will find pictures showing examples of some of my work.

The Happenings of Nothing Happening

It took our family until after Valentine's Day to get our New Year's letter out. I'll share it on here when I can. Our computer finally gave out, and that makes things a little weird right now.

I'm not sure how to describe our adoption process right now. It has been active but nothing is happening. We've been contacted about several birth mother situations locally, from Florida, and from Texas.

 An unprecedented six birth mothers all came at once to one agency in Texas. One of the situations involved an infant that was already a month old! As far as we know, our profile hasn't been shown to any of them, as maybe a few have changed their mind, one is already matched, and another couple of them are having some hiccups with contacting birth fathers. As of right now, we're just waiting to see how it all plays out. We'll be told when that door is shut, or if we're selected as potential adoptive parents.

 We also heard about a situation in Florida. It was a difficult one for us because after researching the medical needs of the unborn baby, we determined that we wouldn't be a good fit as a family for him. That was really hard to say no to! My how we agonized over it! And of course, I cried. A lot. It was really difficult to say no to a child that needed a family when that's the very thing that we're out to do. Maybe, that's not understandable to some who might be reading this, but we just didn't feel at peace allowing our profile to be shown. I know on April 9th, I'll be thinking of that baby boy, and I'll pray again for him, his birth mother, his birth father, and his adoptive parents. We were told of another in Florida that our program director thought that I would especially be a match for what this birth mother was looking for, but the fee for the adoption was way out of what we could or would pay. So that was another that wasn't for us.

Two more situations have been presented to us. Both are in our home state, and both a ones that we said yes to. The first, I don't imagine much of a shot at. The birth mother is looking at the first "round" of profiles this week, and if she doesn't find a family that she connects with, then we will be in the second "round". The second one we just heard about earlier this week. As of right now I don't know how many couples have said yes to this profile. So, I can't really say much about it. We're actually pretty surprised at how much is going on.

There's a lot of blessed opportunities to pray for these women as they make difficult decisions, and to pray that each child is safe and is brought into the right family. There's a huge peace knowing that the Lord is in control. Our child will come home to us, in His timing, in His way. All these situations that we hear about are opportunities to pray for the people involved knowing that if one is ours, then he or she will be ours. All the others just belong to someone else! The joy is in knowing that these babies belong to someone!

So we continue to wait. We continue to save, and we'll be brainstorming fundraising ideas. I'm still selling necklaces and brooches. In fact, to help generate more publicity, I'm doing a giveaway right now. You can check it out here. Visit A Nest by Design here if you're curious. My heart is to grow this into something that I can help other adopting families raise funds. That's a bit in the future though. 

Anniversary Weekend

For our tenth wedding anniversary we wanted to get some time away and simply enjoy each other's company. So Casey planned the weekend and surprised me with going to Portland.

On our way up there we had a little something to drop off:

Yay! That was a great way to start the weekend!

Then we had dinner reservations at McCormick and Schmick's on the waterfront. Delicious!

In Portland we stayed at the Hotel deLuxe, and it is absolutely beautiful! We've never stayed in a nicer place.

The weekend was filled with walking around Portland, visiting Powell's Books, and going to a Blazer game. On our last night there after the Blazer game, we went to the hotel's Driftwood Room for appetizers, only to find it too crowded to get in! They didn't even have room for a local news anchorman, as he was in the overflow in the lobby! We loved "celebrity" spotting. We were able to try the food later, and it was amazing!

All in all, it was a nice, relaxing time together. We laughed and enjoyed having a special time together celebrating the ten years that God has gifted us with in our marriage.