Ten Years...

3,650 days

87,600 hours

5,256,000 minutes

31,536,000 seconds

3 states

8 moves

7 houses

2 kids

2 cats

5 ER/Urgent Care visits

6 cars

Too many fish

4 microwaves

3 televisions

4 dvd players

One Marriage for a Lifetime

The Adoption Post

This is it. The adoption post. My goal is to give you a timeline of how we've gotten to where we are, and hopefully, give you a little education on what the adoption process looks like. Adoption can be a labyrinth of paperwork and errands, but it's also a labor to redeem someone. That, my friends, is a costly journey, and one worth the effort. But I could probably write more about that later.

January 10, 2012: Adoption orientation class with Christian Family Adoptions. It was after this meeting that we decided to go through this agency. We liked how they were  smaller, but well-networked. They were very straight forward about costs, and we just generally felt comfortable with the staff members that we met.

January 28, 2012: We mailed in our initial application and fee to CFA. 

Here we are with the initial stuff that we needed to mail in.

June 23, 2012: Waiting Families Seminar. At this seminar, we spent an entire day discussing adoption-related issues. We explored topics like racial identity, and ethnic hair care. We listened to a birth mother share her story, and heard from other adoptive families about what their experiences have been. We were in this seminar all day from 8 am to 5 pm. This is a required class with CFA, and part of the education hours needed as part of the home study. It was a LONG day!

June 29, 2012: We had all our documents ready to be mailed in for our home study. An adoption home study is a collection of documents. It has everything about yourself in it. We had to write a mini biography about ourselves, answer questions about why we want to adopt, parenting philosophy, our family, and our marriage. We needed to provide information about our finances and budget, as well as name guardians should we both pass. There is a criminal background check, and we also had to have current physicals with a document signed by our doctor rating our health. Letters from our employers were included, as well as information about our medical insurance stating when an adopted child would be covered under it. I'm sure there's more, but I'm just not remembering it all right now. You get the idea though.

Our entire lives, in one envelope.

Post office! A nice lady behind me in line was willing to take this picture. She was excited to help us document the moment.

 

October 25, 2012:  Last envelope to mail! The two final components of the home study were our reference letters and our education. Ten hours of education are required, and that came from the seminar as well as reading materials provided by CFA. We needed to answer questions about parenting an adopted child, and about some of the issues that can arise with adopted children- like questions that come up about why they were relinquished, why they look different than their parents, dealing with the loss of their biological family, etc. We needed to draw from the resources we were given.

We also got all our reference letters in. These were to be mailed directly to our agency. Once those all came in, we were able to schedule our first home visit.

November 7, 2012: First home visit. Becky, our case worker, came to our house, met our children, and spoke with us. She had some questions for the kids like what they thought would be different with a little brother or sister. She asked if they wanted to have a baby in the house, and what they like to play with. Becky used the things that we had already written as a launch pad for further questions about our marriage, parenting and our lives.

The home visit sounds scary, but all it really is, is a chance for the case worker to make sure that you have a safe home (there's a form that needed to be filled out ensuring that we have running water, electricity, proper living spaces, and smoke detectors), and to also get a sense of you as an adopting couple. Beyond the paperwork that we submitted, our caseworker needed to have information to best be able to write the "official" home study document that would describe who we  are and what our personalities are like.

She spent about 2 to 3 hours in our home, and in that time she took a tour of the house (led by Haddon!), interviewed our kids briefly, and did part of a joint interview with both of us, and did Casey's one-on-one interview.

November 20, 2012: Second home visit. Becky came for a second time to finish up what she started. This time she was able to look at the outside of our house, finish the second half of our joint interview, and do my interview.

January 2013: Final home study draft written, and photo books ordered! We got our final draft of the home study in early January, and then spent the remainder of the month finalizing our profile book. The profile book is a photo book that we put together to introduce ourselves to birth families. In it we include pictures of us, our kids, and our family and friends. We write about our activities, and likes and dislikes.

We were so grateful for the help we got to save money on ordering them! We needed to order 12 photo books, and they would have cost over $300, but with coupon codes and sale promos, we saved over $190! Praise the Lord! As of today, all of them have been shipped to us, but they haven't all arrived (though there may be more in our mailbox. We just haven't checked the mail yet!)

That's where we are. Once we get the books to CFA, we'll have a discussion with the director about some parameters in what we would be open to in an adoption. (There's a lot of things that can come up like lack or prenatal care or drug use and the like that has to be discussed.)

When there is a birth mother that may be a good match for us comes up, they will send us a "fact" sheet about her and the birth father, and then it's up to us to decide if we want to be "shown" to her as potential adoptive parents for her baby. If we choose to be shown, then it is up to her to decide if she wants to continue getting to know us better.

There you have it! The Adoption Post. Now you're caught up. If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask. We really want to be able to help people understand adoption more- as far as we understand things!

While We Were Out...

You know, life moves fast. So here's the ultimate catch-up post while we were out. It should be followed by an adoption follow-up post, but we'll leave you hanging (really, what does it matter? We've left those following us only through this blog hanging for many many many moons!) That will come later.

Ready. Set. Go.

We left you here with the addition of Miller to our slew of nieces and nephews. Aw.

We painted our house, but I won't post pictures of that because there are creeps out there who may happen upon this blog. That was a big deal! And It made a huge difference! (Okay, now I'm just rubbing it in.) But that was a huge blessing.

Also, our pastor went on a sabbatical, and Casey had many opportunities throughout the summer to preach. Our church has been an amazing blessing to us and a source of support and joy. We're so grateful for ministry opportunities, and a church family to share our lives with. You can catch Casey's sermons from the church webpage.

The summer was marked with getting all our home study paperwork done, household projects, and of course, our boy's birthday.

Also, around Haddon's birthday, we love to have people over for the Fourth of July. People who live around us spend a ridiculous amount of money on illegal fireworks, much to our enjoyment. So we like to share in the fun, and have people over to sit up on the hill with us, and look at all the brightness that surrounds us. By far, one of the coolest things I've put together were these fruit kabobs:

In August we joined Casey's side of the family for vacation in central Oregon. There's not much to tell. We rode bikes, played board games, went to a fish hatchery, that sort of thing. It's always nice to be around people you love.

Also, in August we welcomed  Haile (pronounced "high-lay"), and Beti ("beh-tee") into our family all the way form Ethiopia. My sister and her husband started the adoption process as we did. They saw them on a waiting children website, and knew that they belonged with their family. We're so glad that they are with us, and although there are a lot of adjustments, God has been incredibly gracious towards our whole family as they have grafted in. We love adding to our niece/nephew count!

We rounded out the summer with different activities like going to the Tillamook Cheese Factory, a Volcanoes game, and the like.

Then the kids started at a new school in September (their school that we had transferred them into was closed by the school district). Norah began second grade, and Haddon started kindergarten. We're so glad that we waited to start him in school. He needed that additional year of pre-school, and being old for his grade is much more preferable to being the youngest!

I have a "first day of school" picture for Norah, but sadly, not for Haddon. We were invited to go to the Pastors and Wives Retreat. So, we had planned on going late up to that to be able to see H off for his first day (kindergarteners start a week later than other students), but then we discovered lice on his first day of school! So, both Norah and Haddon had to be treated (we buzzed his hair too), and he was able to start the next day- when we were out of town! Boo!

Oh well. Life is more than getting a first day of school shot. Right?

The end of September marks my sister's birthday. For months I had been planning a special gift for her that would be unique. I had this idea to make her a nest pendant out of wire and glass pearls. I had seen these on Etsy and Pinterest as a way for mother's to have jewelry that represented their children. I didn't see anything that had as many as 8 eggs though. Well, I made it with 5 cream and 3 brown to represent her different colored children. The response from people was overwhelming, so I decided to start making them to raise funds for our adoption.

So, A Nest by Design was started. I scrambled to make a website, get an e-mail address, and set up PayPal so that I could meet the instant demand! What a blessing!

I'll write more about this later, but for now, you can visit the website and see what we've accomplished. (You can also like A Nest by Design on Facebook too!) I would not have been able to do any of it without the help of my friend Michelle. Her help and support have been more valuable to me than I even have words to describe.

So with the start of the school year there was routine again, and events like the Jog-a-thon, and a big craft bazaar (which I sold nests at).

We visited a local pumpkin patch, and dressed up for Halloween. Nothing too crazy, but it was cool to see Norah be able to wear my old poodle skirt, and I made Haddon's bat costume by myself!

Thanksgiving was nice this year because we (well, the kids and I) got to spend it with both sides. Casey is still working graves so, sometimes things are difficult to schedule and participate in.

Miller! My how you've grown!

We were able to go to a Beavers basketball game, and that was fun.

We had a very nice Christmas season, and ended the year nicely. We had our yearly Hanukkah night, and this was the first year that I made challah bread. Every year we tend to sort through what things we like to make and what recipes turn out well. Casey blogged about it, so you can check it out.

I got an early present this year just a few days before Christmas. Casey took the kids out and picked out a kitten! So Obie has a friend- which he absolutely hated at first. So we had to have Ezekiel in the back room for about a week so that Obadiah could get used to his scent. We're having a lot of fun with these kitties.

Christmas was a little different this year. On Christmas Eve, instead of being with my family in the evening, we celebrated in the morning. My mother made a LOT of breakfast foods for us to gorge ourselves on, and then we opened presents and such. I made the dinner/lunch, which resulted in far too much food. It was a blessing to see Haile and Beti have their first American Christmas.

We went to church on Christmas Eve, and our family lit the last candle of advent. We were super proud of Norah as she read from Isaiah in front of the whole church. It wasn't an easy passage to read for a 7-year-old, but she did awesome! I wish we had pictures or a video of it, but we totally spaced on it.


In the morning, we had out own time together as a family, and then headed over to Casey's parents'. There we had a brunch and opened presents. It's always a very casual time, and we enjoy spending time with family on Christmas.

Whew! We've almost made it!

Our goal was to have our home study completed by the end of the year, and we missed the mark by only a few weeks (again, I'll write more about that in an adoption post), but we're so glad that it's done and that we're beginning the new year waiting. We have a lot of hope, as maybe all people do at the start of a new year, but this year is particularly poised to bring changes.

Casey is working on being ordained, and that should be finished by the end of March. We just ordered photo books as our family profile books that will be shown to birthmothers. We could get chosen or matched at any time once those are published and in the hands of our agency. As you look at those Christmas pictures, they may be the last ones in which we're a family of four. Then again, they may not be, but we have hope that they are.

The last thing I'll share to bring you up to speed is that Downton Abbey season 3 premiered in the beginning of January, and since I have discovered that I have many friends who share in my love for the period drama, I hosted a premiere night viewing party. It was so much fun to have friends over and laugh at the same jokes, and enjoy a good, entertaining and clean program together. Here we are "Doing the Downton."

If you made it through to the very end, thank you. You rank among those that stuck with Harry to the end. If you didn't, that's okay. This was long, but I consider it a personal fete to have written such a lengthy, yet concise, blog post. Considering it has been nearly a year, it's good to get it all out. Now on to more regular posts! (Well, after a sizable adoption update.)

Welcome Miller James!

This past week we welcomed Miller into the family, and as you can see in the picture above, Haddon was pretty pleased with his new cousin.

As we prepared to go to the hospital, and talked with the children about Miller's arrival, Haddon becan to think that we were going to the hospital to get his new brother! He was excited and wanted to hold him!

Of course we explained that we may have to wait a long time and that he may get a sister instead. We also explained that Uncle Kyle and Aunt Kari get to keep this baby!

He was alright with that as long as he got to see and hold the baby.

This was a sweet confirmation of God's work in Haddon's heart to prepare him to be a big brother. He's ready to take on that challenge and is excited to do so. This is such an answer to prayer for us. We know that he will have adjustments to make- of course we all will- but it is wonderful to see his enthusiasm.


I mean, seriously, he was ready for us to just take Miller home with us!

The Bold, The Beautiful, and The Toothless

Norah lost her first front tooth last week, and she was pretty nervous about how she would look. She was concerned that she would look goofy and that kids would laugh at her. We sat her down to remind her that over half her class has toothless grins, and that she's in good company. We reminded her that everyone has funny smiles when they are between the ages of 5 and 8!

She felt better, ready to face her class with her one-less-tooth face.

Then came a couple nights ago...

A second tooth, in an awkward spot got very loose and was very uncomfortable.I told my sweet girl that it should come out.

Enter hysterics and insecurities.

Through tears our girls lamented about how she would look extra silly with another tooth lost, and she just couldn't handle it. Again, cuddled on my lap, I reminded her that she's not alone in her toothlessness. I also reminded her of where her true beauty must lie- in her heart.

God isn't looking at who she is on the outside, but is concerned with how she loves others, and serves him.

She knew.

She just wasn't ready to serve him with a greater degree of toothlessness- and that was okay.

Tonight, she had had enough, and the dreaded question came to me, "Mom, my tooth is bothering me. Can we get it out?"

What to do?! Casey was still in bed. he's the one who can stomach such things, and in the meantime, her gums were irritated and started bleeding again. I had to step up to the plate.

We were both nervous, and I won't go into details on the positioning of roots, teeth being squished together or that I had to try and pull the tooth three times before success was achieved. No, no one needs to know all about that.

After the howling stopped, I calmed down (insert rim-shot), and Norah raced to the mirror concerned about her appearance. She was alright. She had been able to think about the reality of her two-times-toothless grin, and so she was okay.

But I could tell she was still concerned. Why else would she run to the mirror? I had promised the kids that we could watch a movie. so I turned to Netflix, and saw that there was a new movie I hadn't watched yet, "Sweet Pea Beauty". I didn't really think about what the content was, but just thought that it was cool to see one that we hadn't watched before.

Perfect. Timing.

After watching it Norah said, "I think that was a good reminder for me to have tonight. I'm glad I watched that."

Me too. Me too.

For the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart.”

1 Samuel 16:7b

What We're Doing

We've explained why we're doing what we're doing, but I've noticed that we haven't written about what we're doing! There are a lot of questions about exactly how our adoption process is going to work and what is involved. So I thought I would take some time to explain.

Already, we have started the process called a home study. What this is, is a collection of documents, letters, and other such paperwork that is compiled together. It involves pre-adoption education, and writing things about ourselves. Casey and I both need letters from our employers, and doctors affirming our health and employment. We need to show that we have established guardianship for our children in the event of our deaths. Casey and I both need to write short autobiographies about ourselves and answer many questions ranging from parenting philosophies to how we like to keep the house. We are also getting letters of reference from friends and family.

When all of this paper work is compiled, we will send it in to our agency, and then they will schedule a home visit, when we'll be interviewed and a social worker will make sure our home is suitable and safe for another child to be added. (It sounds more intimidating than it really is!)

With our agency, we are taking a somewhat unique approach and are enrolled in two separate programs- both are domestic. That means that the child we will adopt will come from the United States. Both programs are for newborns. One program is designed to match families with birthmothers locally, and the other is to match families with birthmothers in other states like Georgia, Texas and Florida. The second program is aimed at placing African American children in a loving home.

We could be matched with a child from either program! The local program has a waiting time of about 1 to 2 years, and the African American infant program takes anywhere from 9 months to a year. The waiting times are very rough estimates. In all reality, as soon as our family profile is shown to a birthmother, we could be chosen. On the other hand, several birthmothers could look at our family profile before we are selected. (A family profile is a photo book that we will make to be shown to birthmothers. It will give birth parents a chance to get to know us initially.)

It is very much in the Lord's hands!

With each program the cost can range, but we're looking at a total cost between $20,000 and $25,000 or $30,000. That's overwhelming to me when I think about it, but I know that it's not to the Lord. He knows every penny that our adoption will cost, and we believe that he's called our family to do this. We also believe that we will move people to help us, and he already has shown us his provision in so many areas in our life. This is just one more opportunity for him to display his glory!

At the most we'll need to raise $20,000, and at the least, $10,000.

Vinyl Fundraiser

With the help of Sheila with Uppercase Living, we were able to make this into custom vinyl to put on your wall! It measures 8" x 11", and we're selling them to raise money for our adoption.

They are $10 a piece, and if you need it shipped to you the total will be $12. You can use the contact form on the right side of our blog to order. Every penny will go straight into a separate adoption savings account.

We're looking at needing to raise about $20,000. That number seems so huge, but our God is so much bigger!

There is so much that we can say about the meaning of this verse. If you want to know why we're adopting, check out this post. We, well I, say a lot there.