Worst Weekend Ever

Once we were matched, we began a whirlwind of preparations to bring home our baby girl. We got the room painted, and I picked out some fabric for my mom to make a blanket, and also made a crib quilt. People brought us diapers, and wipes, formula, and other things. We started a donation website for people to give so that the remaining funds could come in.

Everything was coming in to place, and the only thing that tempered our excitement was the gnawing feeling that this birth mother could change her mind. So we prayed and prayed, and asked others to pray.

On Friday night this last week we got a call saying that the birth mother had gone to the hospital and was in labor. We got few updates, but continued in our hope that we would be bringing a baby home in a matter of days.

Then the agony set in.

We got a call on Saturday saying that the birth mother had decided to parent, but was then waffling on her decision. She wanted us to come to the hospital and meet and hold the baby. Our case worker wanted us to discuss it, as she knew that it may make it harder if birth mother changed her mind, but we were told that she was leaning toward placing for the most part- so we thought that it would be best to go.

All night on Friday, and all day Saturday our stomachs were in in knots. We struggled to eat, and sleep, and we just wanted to have an answer whether this was our daughter or not.

So, we made our way to the hospital and held the baby.

It's a very strange thing going in to a hospital room to visit a woman that you barely know, and hold a baby that you could either have one of the most significant relationships with, or just simply enjoy the delight of holding a newborn. But we held her. We stroked her black, thick, spiky hair. We doted over her expressions, and got to know a little of her personality.

But we knew that could be the last time we ever held that sweet baby girl.

Sunday was a blur of emotions. We started the morning thinking that we may be taking a baby home, only to find out that the birth mother would be staying in the hospital one more day. In her mind that meant another day to make up her mind. In our minds, that was just another night of fitful sleep, stomach knots, and extreme emotional fatigue.

We knew that Monday would bring an answer though. She would be leaving the hospital, and one way or another, the baby would need to go home with someone.

So, this morning, we waited, and figured the longer we waited the less likely we were going to get an answer that we wanted. Unable to eat, and unable to sleep, I was the first in the house to get up. Our children were exhausted, and Norah had woken up in the night feeling unwell. Everyone slept until past 9:00- totally uncharacteristic.

But we got the call, and like we anticipated, it wasn't the news we wanted. Our birth mother had indeed decided she was going to parent. It wasn't an easy decision for her, obviously, but it is what it is.

We're heartbroken, and sad. This was a baby girl that we truly wanted. We had given her a name, a name we held loosely. Casey and I will keep that name to ourselves. It's our own private thing to grieve over and share together.

All the baby items that we had ready are put away in the nursery, and for now that door is closed.

We're hopeful though. We're discouraged, but hopeful. God has a plan, and he knows what he's doing. He is good all the time, and he will continue to be faithful in our adoption journey.

Right now, we're focusing on resetting, of letting go of this baby girl, and turning our eyes to Christ who has put this adoption journey before us. We're going to trust him to guide us through this maze, and provide the means to reach its end. We just hit a dead end is all. We just need his help to get turned around and get on the right course. It's all part of solving the big puzzle.

Best Cinco de Mayo Ever

For a while it was seeming like our adoption journey was like a walk through one of those Fun Houses you see in movies or at fairs. Everything is smoke and mirrors, and you don't know what the next corner will hold. We have heard of situations, and have them disappear- within an afternoon! We have had to pass on a situation. We have heard of situations, and then never heard anything else about them.

I can't say that it's still not like that, but we have something to actually share.

On May 4th we met with a birth mother. We had a formal, directed conversation, but it was nice. We liked her, and it seemed like she liked us, but as you can imagine, she had a bit of a wall up. There were moments though, that the wall came down, and we connected. When Casey spoke about the first time he was alone with Norah after she was born, or when we talked about him giving her flowers every Valentine's Day, or when we told her that we speak Spanish- those are the times that I could tell resonated with her. When we left the meeting, we felt good about it, but had no idea what the next day's promised phone call would hold.

Sunday morning was pretty normal, except I noticed that Casey checked messages a lot, and looked at his phone a lot. Eventually, we got the promised phone call, and what we heard was very good!

The birth mother that we met with really liked us. After we left the meeting, she and the case worker stayed behind to discuss how she felt about us and how she wanted to proceed. The case worker told her other things like how I hosted a Downton Abbey premier party, and some other things that made her like us even more.

So on Cinco de Mayo, we were asked if we wanted to match with her, and we said yes!

The baby girl is due on May 28th.

That's not very far away.

We've had some last minute scrambling to do like getting our fingerprints taken again, and having another form notarized. We also needed to send off a sizable check, which we were thankful that we had the money for. We're making mental lists about all the things we need to do, and have just over two weeks to do it.

It's overwhelming.

It's exciting.

It's terrifying.

As happy as we are, in the back of our minds there is a gnawing fear. We know that this sweet birth mother could change her mind. It's her right to do so. This baby, at least right now, isn't ours. Only God knows if she is ours. We could go through all the steps to make sure we're ready for her to come home, and still not have her be a part of our family.

And that is an unbearable thought.

We need prayer in that area.

We also have the daunting task of coming up with the remaining money that we will need should this adoption take place. You'll see that I've updated our fundraising thermometer. We need to have $9000 on hand at the time when our daughter (is it okay to call her that?!) is born. We're over halfway there, but we still need about $4000.

We need prayer in that area.

So, I want to answer the questions that I've been getting as best I can:

1. Is this going to be an open adoption?

Yes! We will do our best to make sure that our daughter's birth mother gets to see us about once a year. I'm sure we'll keep in contact with letters and pictures as well. At this point, we don't know exactly what it will look like, but we're grateful that our impression of this birth mother is that we would get along and enjoy each other's company.

2. Is the birth mother young?

No, not really. She is about the same age as Casey and I. It's actually a misconception about birth mother's that most of them are teenage girls, addicted to drugs. The majority of birth mothers are between 19 and 25 years old. If you think about it, it makes sense. Deciding to make an adoption plan is a very difficult and wise thing for a woman to do. It requires maturity, and a real inner strength to do so. Younger moms aren't as well equipped to understand the significance of motherhood.

We would like to keep a lot of details about the birth mother more private, and show respect for her privacy.

So we'll keep it to the facts:

• She is Hispanic
• She is our age
• She is already a parent
• She is a kind-hearted mom who is facing a difficult choice.
• She is taking her adoption plan very seriously

3. Do you have a name for your baby? Or will the birth mom name her?

We don't know. We don't have a name chosen. We're not sure how much contact we will have with the birth mother before the baby is born. We'll share her name as soon as we know she is ours!

4. How do you feel?!

Happy. Scared. Nervous. Excited. Thrilled. Terrified. Sad. Concerned. Stressed.

5. When can you take the baby home?

We will take her home straight from the hospital. We don't know a lot of details right now.

6. When will she be "yours"?

This baby girl, if she is ours, already is ours. She will be ours legally, or at least her birth mother can't change her mind, once the paper is signed to relinquish her parental rights. At that moment, she is ours. Later, we will need to go through the paperwork to legally adopt her. At that time, a brand new birth certificate will be issued, naming us as her parents, just as if she were born to us.

7. How can we help you get ready?

1. Pray. Pray for our kids. Pray for our hearts. Pray for us to get along under stressful circumstances. Pray for the birth mother- for her health, for her to stay committed to the adoption plan, for her healing.
2. Soon we'll provide a "list" of sorts of things that we need to bring home our girl- like diapers, clothing needs, etc. I haven't gotten that far yet. There may be opportunities to help paint or clean or organize our home as well. We may even create a baby registry, but I honestly don't know if we'll have time to do that! Stay tuned on Facebook especially, because that's one of the easiest ways for us to communicate what our needs are.
3. Give. There. I said it. It's awkward to ask, but I know it's one of the only ways that we will be able to pay for our adoption without incurring debt. You can click on the donate button in the right-hand side bar to do it through YouCaring, a fundraising website. You can also drop a check or cash off in our box at church, or at our home. If you want to give anonymously, we have our Adoption Savings Account that you can deposit directly into- to do that, just visit any Wells Fargo Bank (even if you're out-of-state, just mention that it's an Oregon account- that may help them out), and give them this account number to make a deposit into: 2349457040. Even if it's as little as $5 or $10, that will make an impact, especially if many of our friends give. 

I think that covers it. I may have left out some questions that you may have, and feel free to ask. I may or may not have an answer. 

A Nest by Design

I mentioned in a previous post that I would share about a new venture that I have embarked on.

It all started when I wanted to make something special for my sister for her birthday. Her birthday came just a couple months after bringing home my newest niece and nephew from Ethiopia. With the addition of these last two (at least I think they are the last to be added to the family!), that my sister became a mom to 8. I have yet to see jewelry that nicely represents having 8 children. Either there are so many charms that it looks bulky, or if you use one of those locket necklaces with little charms in them, they are all bunched up and you can't really see them or show them ALL off.

So, I thought that if I got some beads or pearls small enough, I could cluster them together and learn how to make a wire nest pendant. After all, those are kind of trendy right now, and they are cute. I purchased some glass pearls in brown and cream to represent my sisters brown and white children, and then I learned how to make a wire pendant.

When my sister got it, she loved it! I mentioned to her casually that I might start making them to sell, maybe earn some money that we could put towards our adoption.

This is where the magic of social media comes in...

All my sister did was post a blog about it, and put a picture on Facebook, and I had contacts from at least 6 or more people within hours interested in a customized pendant!

Yikes! I didn't have a website. I didn't have a separate e-mail account. I didn't have a Pay Pal account (and there were people contacting me from out of state!). I didn't think that anyone would necessarily be that interested in what I did for my sister!

I was wrong.

I'm glad I was wrong.

My friend helped set up a website, complete with an order form. I set up a Pay Pal account, and stumbled through filling orders.

So, how did I come up with the name? Whenever I think of families, I think of how God brings families together and builds them. He designs families. He works in our lives to give and take away. He builds families through so many means, and in every way is written a story of His divine love and care- His design. Every family is made exactly the way God intends, and that's what I wanted to celebrate. That's what I want to give glory to God for.

Since then, I have been to a few craft bazaars or special events, and have tried to spread the word about what I'm doing. I get to hear a lot of stories about what families look like, or how they are designed. Each pendant or brooch (I can make straight pin brooches too) is so personal. It's a delight to make each one.

Soon my necklaces will be in a local boutique, and I have some other things in the works.

From the sales of these pendants and brooches alone, I've raised nearly $2000 for our adoption! I have never been "in the red". What an amazing blessing!

I love this new job that I have, and want to keep moving forward. My dream is to help other adopting families raise funds by "sponsoring" a family at a time. I'm not sure when I will get to that point, but I'm hoping that I will be able to do that! I need to gain much more exposure though.

So, how can you help?

Well, there are a few ways:
1. You might think of someone you could order a gift for (even yourself)!  These nests are cute. They don't have to be worn by moms!
2. You can like the page on Facebook, if you're on there. That has proven to be one of the most effective ways that I have seen. It doesn't cost me anything, and it doesn't cost you anything! You can find the page here.
3. You can simply tell people you may know. Direct them to my website. Literally every cent that I make goes into our adoption account, and it sits there waiting for that moment that only the Lord knows, when we have our son or daughter! (You can see how we're doing towards our goal on the right-hand side of our blog).
4. Right now, you can enter my first giveaway. There are different ways that you can gain entries. You can enter here. You will be walked through all the different ways you can enter. Most of them involve helping to spread the word about the giveaway or A Nest by Design. So it really is helpful! And hey, if you win, that's great!
5. Always, you can pray. Pray that I will have wisdom to navigate through uncharted waters. I have no training in how to run a business. All I know that is I need to make more than I spend, and to be honest. Pray that people will be drawn to what I'm doing and that I will find support in unexpected sources.(I already have! Praise the Lord!)

What's lacking in this post are pictures, but if you visit any of the links I've shared, you will find pictures showing examples of some of my work.

The Happenings of Nothing Happening

It took our family until after Valentine's Day to get our New Year's letter out. I'll share it on here when I can. Our computer finally gave out, and that makes things a little weird right now.

I'm not sure how to describe our adoption process right now. It has been active but nothing is happening. We've been contacted about several birth mother situations locally, from Florida, and from Texas.

 An unprecedented six birth mothers all came at once to one agency in Texas. One of the situations involved an infant that was already a month old! As far as we know, our profile hasn't been shown to any of them, as maybe a few have changed their mind, one is already matched, and another couple of them are having some hiccups with contacting birth fathers. As of right now, we're just waiting to see how it all plays out. We'll be told when that door is shut, or if we're selected as potential adoptive parents.

 We also heard about a situation in Florida. It was a difficult one for us because after researching the medical needs of the unborn baby, we determined that we wouldn't be a good fit as a family for him. That was really hard to say no to! My how we agonized over it! And of course, I cried. A lot. It was really difficult to say no to a child that needed a family when that's the very thing that we're out to do. Maybe, that's not understandable to some who might be reading this, but we just didn't feel at peace allowing our profile to be shown. I know on April 9th, I'll be thinking of that baby boy, and I'll pray again for him, his birth mother, his birth father, and his adoptive parents. We were told of another in Florida that our program director thought that I would especially be a match for what this birth mother was looking for, but the fee for the adoption was way out of what we could or would pay. So that was another that wasn't for us.

Two more situations have been presented to us. Both are in our home state, and both a ones that we said yes to. The first, I don't imagine much of a shot at. The birth mother is looking at the first "round" of profiles this week, and if she doesn't find a family that she connects with, then we will be in the second "round". The second one we just heard about earlier this week. As of right now I don't know how many couples have said yes to this profile. So, I can't really say much about it. We're actually pretty surprised at how much is going on.

There's a lot of blessed opportunities to pray for these women as they make difficult decisions, and to pray that each child is safe and is brought into the right family. There's a huge peace knowing that the Lord is in control. Our child will come home to us, in His timing, in His way. All these situations that we hear about are opportunities to pray for the people involved knowing that if one is ours, then he or she will be ours. All the others just belong to someone else! The joy is in knowing that these babies belong to someone!

So we continue to wait. We continue to save, and we'll be brainstorming fundraising ideas. I'm still selling necklaces and brooches. In fact, to help generate more publicity, I'm doing a giveaway right now. You can check it out here. Visit A Nest by Design here if you're curious. My heart is to grow this into something that I can help other adopting families raise funds. That's a bit in the future though. 

Anniversary Weekend

For our tenth wedding anniversary we wanted to get some time away and simply enjoy each other's company. So Casey planned the weekend and surprised me with going to Portland.

On our way up there we had a little something to drop off:

Yay! That was a great way to start the weekend!

Then we had dinner reservations at McCormick and Schmick's on the waterfront. Delicious!

In Portland we stayed at the Hotel deLuxe, and it is absolutely beautiful! We've never stayed in a nicer place.

The weekend was filled with walking around Portland, visiting Powell's Books, and going to a Blazer game. On our last night there after the Blazer game, we went to the hotel's Driftwood Room for appetizers, only to find it too crowded to get in! They didn't even have room for a local news anchorman, as he was in the overflow in the lobby! We loved "celebrity" spotting. We were able to try the food later, and it was amazing!

All in all, it was a nice, relaxing time together. We laughed and enjoyed having a special time together celebrating the ten years that God has gifted us with in our marriage.

Ten Years...

3,650 days

87,600 hours

5,256,000 minutes

31,536,000 seconds

3 states

8 moves

7 houses

2 kids

2 cats

5 ER/Urgent Care visits

6 cars

Too many fish

4 microwaves

3 televisions

4 dvd players

One Marriage for a Lifetime

The Adoption Post

This is it. The adoption post. My goal is to give you a timeline of how we've gotten to where we are, and hopefully, give you a little education on what the adoption process looks like. Adoption can be a labyrinth of paperwork and errands, but it's also a labor to redeem someone. That, my friends, is a costly journey, and one worth the effort. But I could probably write more about that later.

January 10, 2012: Adoption orientation class with Christian Family Adoptions. It was after this meeting that we decided to go through this agency. We liked how they were  smaller, but well-networked. They were very straight forward about costs, and we just generally felt comfortable with the staff members that we met.

January 28, 2012: We mailed in our initial application and fee to CFA. 

Here we are with the initial stuff that we needed to mail in.

June 23, 2012: Waiting Families Seminar. At this seminar, we spent an entire day discussing adoption-related issues. We explored topics like racial identity, and ethnic hair care. We listened to a birth mother share her story, and heard from other adoptive families about what their experiences have been. We were in this seminar all day from 8 am to 5 pm. This is a required class with CFA, and part of the education hours needed as part of the home study. It was a LONG day!

June 29, 2012: We had all our documents ready to be mailed in for our home study. An adoption home study is a collection of documents. It has everything about yourself in it. We had to write a mini biography about ourselves, answer questions about why we want to adopt, parenting philosophy, our family, and our marriage. We needed to provide information about our finances and budget, as well as name guardians should we both pass. There is a criminal background check, and we also had to have current physicals with a document signed by our doctor rating our health. Letters from our employers were included, as well as information about our medical insurance stating when an adopted child would be covered under it. I'm sure there's more, but I'm just not remembering it all right now. You get the idea though.

Our entire lives, in one envelope.

Post office! A nice lady behind me in line was willing to take this picture. She was excited to help us document the moment.

 

October 25, 2012:  Last envelope to mail! The two final components of the home study were our reference letters and our education. Ten hours of education are required, and that came from the seminar as well as reading materials provided by CFA. We needed to answer questions about parenting an adopted child, and about some of the issues that can arise with adopted children- like questions that come up about why they were relinquished, why they look different than their parents, dealing with the loss of their biological family, etc. We needed to draw from the resources we were given.

We also got all our reference letters in. These were to be mailed directly to our agency. Once those all came in, we were able to schedule our first home visit.

November 7, 2012: First home visit. Becky, our case worker, came to our house, met our children, and spoke with us. She had some questions for the kids like what they thought would be different with a little brother or sister. She asked if they wanted to have a baby in the house, and what they like to play with. Becky used the things that we had already written as a launch pad for further questions about our marriage, parenting and our lives.

The home visit sounds scary, but all it really is, is a chance for the case worker to make sure that you have a safe home (there's a form that needed to be filled out ensuring that we have running water, electricity, proper living spaces, and smoke detectors), and to also get a sense of you as an adopting couple. Beyond the paperwork that we submitted, our caseworker needed to have information to best be able to write the "official" home study document that would describe who we  are and what our personalities are like.

She spent about 2 to 3 hours in our home, and in that time she took a tour of the house (led by Haddon!), interviewed our kids briefly, and did part of a joint interview with both of us, and did Casey's one-on-one interview.

November 20, 2012: Second home visit. Becky came for a second time to finish up what she started. This time she was able to look at the outside of our house, finish the second half of our joint interview, and do my interview.

January 2013: Final home study draft written, and photo books ordered! We got our final draft of the home study in early January, and then spent the remainder of the month finalizing our profile book. The profile book is a photo book that we put together to introduce ourselves to birth families. In it we include pictures of us, our kids, and our family and friends. We write about our activities, and likes and dislikes.

We were so grateful for the help we got to save money on ordering them! We needed to order 12 photo books, and they would have cost over $300, but with coupon codes and sale promos, we saved over $190! Praise the Lord! As of today, all of them have been shipped to us, but they haven't all arrived (though there may be more in our mailbox. We just haven't checked the mail yet!)

That's where we are. Once we get the books to CFA, we'll have a discussion with the director about some parameters in what we would be open to in an adoption. (There's a lot of things that can come up like lack or prenatal care or drug use and the like that has to be discussed.)

When there is a birth mother that may be a good match for us comes up, they will send us a "fact" sheet about her and the birth father, and then it's up to us to decide if we want to be "shown" to her as potential adoptive parents for her baby. If we choose to be shown, then it is up to her to decide if she wants to continue getting to know us better.

There you have it! The Adoption Post. Now you're caught up. If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask. We really want to be able to help people understand adoption more- as far as we understand things!